


Do You Like Scary Movies?

by fennecfawkes



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Get Together, M/M, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-17
Updated: 2015-07-17
Packaged: 2018-04-09 20:52:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4363823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fennecfawkes/pseuds/fennecfawkes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Phil supposes there are worse people to be paired with for faux marriage in Life Skills class.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Do You Like Scary Movies?

Calling it Life Skills was probably offensive on some level, but that’s the name the class had been given years and years ago, so it just kind of stuck. It was one of those courses you signed up for as a world-weary senior who couldn’t stand to see another chemical equation or crack the spine of a Russian novel. Phil just wanted to balance out AP Physics and the psych course he was taking at a local college with something he could reasonably blow off without feeling too bad. So there he was, sitting next to Maria in room 34 on the second floor of Carter High, who was already intent on figuring out how the teacher determined which students got matched up for the marriage assignment.

“They don’t just do opposite genders anymore, you know,” she says. “Sousa’ll hand out a form today, and you indicate whether or not you’re comfortable being part of a gay couple.” She shoots a sidelong glance at Clint Barton. “And I know you are.”

“I’m going to pretend I didn’t just see you look where you looked,” says Phil. “Will you say you’re comfortable with it?”

Maria shrugs one shoulder and roots through her backpack for a pencil and a three-ring binder with the name of the class neatly written on the front in block letters. “Sure. It’s just an assignment.”

That’s what Phil tells himself three weeks later when the names Coulson and Barton are called, one after another, on Marriage Day.

.:.

The only reason to sign up for Life Skills—slacking aside—was that if you weren’t dating anyone, for the two weeks you were faux married to a fellow classmate, you could at least pretend to be. It was no secret that many project partners at least tried dating upon completing the assignment; sometimes, it happened midway through, and those were the people who tended to get the best marks on the project. Phil resolutely did not remind himself of any of that as he and Clint stood in front of Mr. Sousa and promised to love, honor, and cherish each other for the next 14 days. They shake hands rather than kissing. Some of the bolder students hugged their partners.

“So,” Clint says when they’ve pushed their desks together. He hands Phil the first assignment sheet. “My handwriting sucks, do you mind?”

“Not at all,” says Phil. Realistically, he thinks, Clint could ask anything of him and he’d say the same thing. He’s had a crush on Clint since elementary school that only intensified when they both joined the middle school lacrosse team and Phil saw Clint shirtless for the first time. Now, they hang out with some of the same people, so they’re at all the same parties, and Phil’s seen how kind Clint is to everyone who attends. He’s also seen Clint avoid drinking, which is a point in Clint’s favor; Phil doesn’t see the appeal of starting early, and it’s good to know he’s not the only one. Plus, Clint has the intro to _The Twilight Zone_ memorized and does a killer Rod Serling. Phil doesn’t really remember why they started watching _The Twilight Zone_ last New Year’s at Stark’s, but he’s glad it happened.

So, yeah. Phil likes Clint, and maybe that was partially his motivation for opting in on the same-sex couple thing. Well, that and his own sexuality, which had been solidified by that fateful day in the locker room at Shield Middle School. And Phil and Clint are in Prism, the LGBTQ support group, so he knows a thing or two about Clint’s feelings on guys and sex and ... that’s as far as Phil’s going to go with that particular train of thought. For now, he needs to focus and be satisfied that he and Clint are as friendly as they are.

“We’re supposed to make up how we got together?” Clint’s nose and forehead wrinkle up in confusion. “How are we supposed to do that?”

“I don’t know,” says Phil. “What’s the last romantic comedy you watched?”

“ _Kate and Leopold_ ,” Clint says, and Phil can’t hold back a bit of laughter. “What? It’s my sister’s favorite movie. We have to watch it, like, once a month.” Clint’s younger sister Kate is a freshman and, apparently, a closet romantic.

“So you want me to say you traveled through time and swept me off my feet?”

“Pretty sure you’d be doing the feet-sweeping, Coulson,” Clint says. “Don’t you give Maria flowers every year on her birthday?”

“Yeah, but Maria’s not my girlfriend,” says Phil. “She says I have to stop doing that whenever Sitwell asks her out. Oh, shit. Please don’t tell her I said that, OK?”

“Secret’s safe with me.” Clint crosses his heart. “I didn’t know you weren’t dating.”

“Yeah, no, not really my type. More best friend type, I guess. OK, so let’s get down to it. What career did you get in the aptitude test?”

“Personal trainer,” says Clint. “I was trying for lion tamer, but, you know, you win some, you lose some.”

Phil laughs. “I got accountant. Trade you.”

“Pass. So how does an accountant meet a personal trainer?”

“Well, personal trainers can be freelancers, right?”

Clint nods. “That or they work through a gym or something. But freelancers need help with their taxes. So are you a tax accountant?”

“Today I am,” says Phil. “You find me on, I don’t know, Craigslist?”

“And I verify you’re not some skeez because I’m a Google ninja.”

“Sure. Assuming I’m not a skeez in this alternate future.”

“You couldn’t be a skeez if you tried.”

“Thanks a lot.”

“You’re welcome,” Clint says. “It was a compliment. So we meet up and you help me through my taxes, and when they’re done I keep finding excuses for needing advice on my finances, and finally you just ask me to go out for coffee if I promise not to bring up investments the whole time.”

“I ask you out? Aren’t you kind of out of my league? I mean, personal trainer and all.”

“Nah, I’m not out of your league,” says Clint. “Maybe on the upper end, but we fit together well. You’re in good shape and getting better because I start giving you free sessions. Then after we’ve been together for, I don’t know, how long do people wait?”

Phil shrugs. “Depends. My parents got married after three months.”

“Holy shit,” Clint says.

“Right? But Maria’s dated for three years before her dad even asked.”

“So let’s split the difference,” says Clint. “We’re together a year and a half. I decide to lock things down.”

“Oh, you’re proposing, then?”

“It’s only fair. You asked me out. We go to, I don’t know, the art museum—”

“Which one?”

“Dunno,” says Clint. “Which one’s your favorite?”

“The Cloisters.”

“OK. So we take the train for, like, a billion hours up to there, and we’re in that one part with the garden, and I go down on one knee and tell you I love you and we kiss and it’s magic and bam, engaged.”

“I do like that one part with the garden,” Phil says. “You’re awfully romantic for a personal trainer.”

“Well, we’re assuming I’ve seen _Kate and Leopold_ fifty times,” says Clint. He’s blushing slightly, presumably because Phil hid a compliment in his observation. It’s adorable. So Clint’s adorable in addition to hot. Perfect. Phil feels himself falling ever harder.  


“OK, I can write that all down, since you basically made up the story on your own.”

“You helped.”

“Some. You’re pretty creative.”

“I like to pretend,” Clint says. “So, you’re the accountant. You want to budget this out? Our apartment and everything, I mean. We’ve got to start with an apartment. There’s no way we can afford a down payment or anything.”

“This part’s not as fun as the proposal,” says Phil. “OK. Let’s crunch some numbers.” That’s when Sousa calls an end to class and Phil realizes he’s going to have to spend time with Clint outside class.

“We can go to my house after practice if you want,” Phil says. “Finish this, maybe get a jump on the next assignment. And my mom’ll make dinner.”

“Did she bake the cake for your last birthday party?” Phil nods. “Sold. See you tonight.”

.:.

As far as faux marriages go, Phil and Clint’s couldn’t be much better. Phil only realizes that when he’s having lunch with Maria and some of their other friends a week and a half in and they’re trading horror stories of their asshole/slacker/in-love-enough-to-bring-their-actual-boyfriend-along-on-assignments spouses. After practice that day, Clint comes over for dinner under the guise of working on their final essay. But in truth, it’s all but done, and it turns out he and Clint just really like hanging out. They’d gotten closer over the course of the project, spending time together at Phil’s house while Clint charmed Phil’s parents and Phil resolutely ignored the butterflies in his stomach. Before he’d left for the night, Clint had even asked Phil if he wanted to come over to watch _Scream_ the next day—Friday, so Phil wouldn’t have a curfew to contend with. (Clint had been appalled when he discovered Phil hadn’t seen the series and insisted on sharing it.) That was when Phil’s mom and stepdad exchanged a look, and Phil was sure he’d be answering for something or another later.

“So,” Don, Phil’s stepdad, asks as they do the dishes after Clint left. “When are you going to ask out Clint?”

Phil nearly drops the glass he’s drying.

“Didn’t Clint already ask him?” Phil’s mom takes the glass from him. “Don’t break these. They’re new.”

“They’re two years old, Mom.”

She shrugs. “They’re newer than the ones we got from Grandma. Don, Clint asked Phil over to his house to watch a movie tomorrow. I think that counts as a date.”

“It doesn’t! I’m just going to have dinner—his mom’s making enchiladas—and we’re going to watch _Scream_ and I’ll probably be back before my normal curfew.”

Don makes a face that clearly indicates he’s trying not to roll his eyes before his expression softens. “We really like Clint, Phil,” he says, patting Phil on the shoulder. It’s something he’d had to do for years before it became any less than painfully awkward. After Phil’s dad when he died when Phil was seven, his mom had dated some pretty horrible guys before meeting Don. They got married when Phil was 12, and he’s never been anything but wonderful to Phil’s mom—which scores him major points in Phil’s book.

“We do,” Phil’s mom agrees. “He’s polite and he’s funny and he’s really cute.”

“Please don’t say that, Mom.”

“And he loves my cooking, so he’s more than welcome to keep coming over after your project’s done. If you were dating, though, that’d be a much better excuse.”

“I’m leaving this conversation now,” says Phil, and he attempts to lose himself in a few rounds of Injustice, though he can’t shake how eager Clint looked when he asked Phil over for dinner and a movie.

.:.

It’s unseasonably cold that Friday, and Phil’s gripping his elbows, wishing he’d worn more than a cardigan over his t-shirt, when Clint pulls open the front door of his house and quickly shuts it behind him.

“Hey,” he says, looking uncharacteristically shy and hesitant. “So I thought I should tell you a couple things before you come in.”

“OK,” says Phil, trying his best to act as though a disclaimer about Clint’s family is expected.

“So, my parents? They adopted me when they were in their fifties,” Clint says. “You knew I was adopted, right?”

“You’d mentioned it once or twice.”

“So they’re a lot older than your parents. Like, in their mid-sixties.”

“OK.”

“And they’re almost more like my grandparents than my parents, really,” says Clint. “They were fostering me when they adopted me. And then Kate, too. And after that, they stopped. Just kept us. So there’s that.”

“Alright,” Phil says. “You know you didn’t need to warn me of your parents’ age, right? Like, that’s totally cool. My mom’s actually really young. She had me when she was in her twenties.”

“Yeah, well, I just wanted you to know. It’s not really weird or anything. Just, you know.”

Phil sighs. “Clint, your parents could be pushing ninety, for all I care. I’m going to be hanging out with you, and that means it’s going to be awesome no matter who else is there.”

Clint beams then—which Phil expected might happen, but it’s still nice—and all but flings himself at Phil. Winding his arms around Phil’s neck, he kisses Phil, mouth closed but still insistent. That part, Phil wasn’t expecting. Phil’s thinking it’ll be like any other kiss he’s been part of, a little awkward, like they’re stumbling through the process, but that’s not the case at all. Clint’s lips are soft, and when his tongue darts at Phil’s lips, Phil can’t help opening his mouth and letting Clint in. When that’s not enough, he bites down on Clint’s tongue, and Clint moans his approval, moving his arms so his hands are gripping at Phil’s hips. Phil’s not sure exactly when his hands ended up under the back of Clint’s shirt, scrabbling at Clint’s shoulder blades, but he loves it, loves how the warmth of Clint’s skin seeps into his fingers. It takes a few moments, but Clint pulls away slightly.

“That...” He pauses and licks his lips. Phil watches, and Clint smirks softly. “That went better than expected.”

Phil shakes his head and laughs. “You think I haven’t wanted to kiss you since junior high?” he asks, and Clint’s eyes widen. He opens the door to his house and pulls Phil in after him.

“Junior high?” Clint repeats. “I mean, I didn’t even know—I still thought I only liked girls then.”

“Yeah, well,” Phil starts, but he’s interrupted by a stick-skinny black-haired girl bustling down the stairs.

“Clint, where’s the cable for the PS4?” she asks in a tone that borders on whiny. “The controller’s charge is all used up.” The girl looks at Phil appraisingly. “Oh. So this is him, huh?”

“Him?” Phil raises an eyebrow at Clint, whose face goes beet red.

“Cable should be in the second drawer on the left under the TV,” says Clint. “Don’t you have someplace else to be?”

“Oh, you wanted to make out some more?”

“Katie!”

“What? Why else would you be standing out on the porch for ten minutes?”

“It was not ten minutes,” Clint says. “Go. Play your game.”

“Fine. Nice meeting you, Phil!” She flounces back up the stairs, and Phil can’t help laughing at the dumbstruck expression on Clint’s face.

“It wasn’t ten minutes, right? That’d be crazy. I definitely would’ve gone off if—oh, God. Sorry. That was a lot of information you probably didn’t want.”

“Please. You talking about going off? I wouldn’t mind hearing a bit more about it later.”

The look in Clint’s eyes shifts from embarrassed to—well, Phil can’t identify it for sure yet, but he’s pretty sure Clint’s fighting off being turned on. Phil knows he is.

“Come on,” Clint says, pulling Phil by the hand. “You need to meet my mom.”

Clint’s mom, it turns out, doesn’t look a day over 40. Her hair is long, reaching to her waist in a thick braid, and so dark that she could easily pass for Kate’s mother. Her coloring is similar to Clint’s, and Phil wonders if that makes them all a bit more comfortable together. She takes Phil’s hand in both of hers when he offers it.

“I’ve heard a lot about you, Phil,” she says. “You can call me Sandy.”

“It’s really nice to meet you,” says Phil. “And dinner smells delicious. Clint said something about enchiladas?”

“He said Mexican was your favorite,” says Sandy. “It used to be Clint’s, too, but I think he’s pretty attached to macaroni since meeting your mom.”

“Your cooking’s always going to be the best,” Clint says, slinging an arm around his mom’s waist and kissing her on the cheek. Phil does his best not to melt. It’s a near miss.

Dinner is, as Phil suspects it might be, amazing. Clint’s mom outdoes herself, or so Clint says, when she takes out an apple pie.

“It’s going to change your life,” Clint promises, and Phil agrees that the pie is, indeed, life changing. After dinner, Clint pulls Phil by the hand—he’s been doing that a lot, and Phil doesn’t mind at all, anything for more physical contact, he supposes—down the stairs to the basement. Then he pushes Phil onto the couch and proceeds to kiss him senseless, climbing right over Phil’s lap so he has better access to all the spots that turn out to be Phil’s most sensitive. None of his previous dates had discovered that running their tongue and teeth over his collarbone got him hard instantly, and Phil’s grateful for Clint’s ingenuity.

“Sorry,” Clint says as he unbuttons his shirt. “Don’t worry, I locked the door. Mom knows not to bother us. Katie’ll try but Mom’ll stop her.”

“Why are you sorry?” Phil asks. The second Clint undoes the last button, he pushes the shirt off Clint’s shoulders and maps out Clint’s chest with his fingers. Clint shudders slightly.

“You were just—you were so nice to Kate and my mom, and I just—I wanted to do this the whole time,” says Clint. “It kills me how perfect you are.”

“Perfect?” Phil tries to laugh. It turns breathy when Clint’s attention returns to his collarbones. “Sure you’re not talking about yourself?”

“We’ll have to save that argument for later,” says Clint. “Look, I promise we’re going to watch the movie later, but I’ve been thinking about getting you off for the last half hour. Let me do that first?”

“Do you really think I’m going to say no? And that I don’t want to do the same for you?”

“See? Perfect,” says Clint, drawing down the zipper of Phil’s jeans. “Are all Life Skills marriages this successful?”

“Not even close,” Phil says. “Just—if you don’t want me proposing for real, maybe you shouldn’t do this.”

“You’ll have to be a dashing accountant who asks me out for coffee first,” says Clint, cupping Phil’s cock in his hand.

“What was that you were saying about getting me off?” Phil asks through a gasp.

“Well on my way, Coulson.” Clint grins and redirects his attention.

.:.

(They do watch _Scream_ that night, though they have to pause it three times—twice to make out, once for mutual handjobs. Kate joins them for the sequel, and they make plans to watch the third and fourth the next weekend. It becomes an annual tradition. Ten years later, they get married for real, and no one is surprised when Phil and Clint promise to love scary movies together till death do they part.)


End file.
